Charlotte Schreyer
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Review Showcase

A showcase of my writing talents and passions.

 

Tales from the Candy Aisle: All the Candies You Were Too Afraid To Try

While walking down the candy aisle of your local convenience store, have you ever seen a brand that makes you wonder, “What the hell is that even supposed to be?” You can’t  tell from the packaging, and you lack the budget, courage or stomach to figure it out yourself. Well, I have, and I bought three of these products and tried them so you can judge for yourself whether it would be worth it.

Item 1: Fruit Chews: Mini Bites

A bag of brightly colored candy sitting on a table. The packaging is bright and covered with clip art of fruit, and the label "Fruit Chews

Just looking at the bag, this product seems generic. “Fruit Chews.” I didn’t even know Tootsie Rolls made this until I bought it.

Five misshapen lumps lined up on a table. From left to right, they are colored red, orange, yellow, green, and blue.

 The individual “chews” themselves look like fatter Skittles, with the crumbly consistency of Air Heads. They are best chewed; they have a harder outer layer which makes them dissolve slowly in the mouth. The flavors range from the fruit-like cherry and lime to the clearly not-fruit vanilla and cotton candy, although they all end up blurring together into a sugary residue that makes you want to brush your teeth .

Did I like it?:  Not particularly. It seems like generic candy product.

Would I recommend it to others? No.

Item 2: Giant Chewy SweeTarts

A blue and pink package of "SweeTARTS," with the subtitle of "GIANT CHEWY." Four large, colorful discs flank the logo, presumably the SweeTARTS.

I was always baffled as a kid about all the varieties of SweeTarts: there’s normal SweeTarts, Chewy SweeTarts, Sour SweeTarts…Giant Chewy SweeTarts were one adjective too many.

Four mottled discs on a table. From left to right, they are colored green, yellow, red, and purple.

And they really are just giant, chewy SweeTarts. They have the powdery SweeTart flavor that becomes juicy once it mixes with your saliva; it is very, well, tart. The chewy texture is like taffy, and often not noticeable when biting in. Honestly, they remind me of sugar cookies made of actual sugar; the recommendation to break them apart does not make them better.

 Do I like it?: Yes. I enjoy the whimsical flavor of SweeTarts, and the size doesn’t affect that.

Would I recommend them to others: Maybe, if you like SweeTarts. They only come 4 to a package, so it feels like a waste of money.

Item 3: Sour Patch Kids Lineups

A yellow bag with the label "Sour Patch Kids Lineups." The Sour Patch Kids stand in the background connected head-to-toe. A large blue Sour Patch Kid waves.

This is honestly one of the most confusing packages I have ever seen. They’re Sour Patch Kids, but standing on top of each other? Do you pull them apart? What does it even look like?

A handful of gummi worms lying on a table. Upon closer inspection, the gummi worms are made out of Sour Patch Kids welded together at the head and toe.

…and they’re gummi worms made out of Sour Patch Kids, fused together. Implications aside, they taste just like the regular candy: a strong blast of sour, mellowing out into a sweeter gummy that keeps its flavor until it disintegrates. Each gummi-chain comes in either citrus green and orange, or tart blue raspberry and Swedish Fish cherry; both varieties mix flavors well if eaten in one piece.

Do I like it?: Not any more than I typically like Sour Patch Kids. If anything, the original product is easier to eat.

Do I recommend it?: If you like Sour Patch Kids, yes, if only for the shock value.

Ultimately, when it comes to candies like these, trust your gut. You have a better sense of what you like than I do.